Transitioning into the Commercial Transportation industry was not easy. It’s not just a job or career, but a lifestyle. It truly as it’s good and bad, but it can be such a culture shock, if it is not something you are aspired to. Recently, I compared this to being like the last generation of the cowboys’ life, especially how I took on this profession. Where else can you wake up in a zip code you would have to look up, look around at different surroundings that you only stay a short time to enjoy, and consider this comfortable? If never been done, feelings of being a transient would definitely consume you.

            The way I started out was like how many new drivers start, and that is get into the truck, and drive to all parts of the country, provided there is a road to be traveled on. Its only through time, does a driver start deciding how far, and what type of work he desires to manage. Even in this period, it can be costly, since a driver may realize that this is not the life for them; and conclude the experience (although one well taken) was all for nothing.

            It’s not just the type of work, or how independent you really need to inherently be, but the life you literally walk away from. The work needs your focus to be in control, and the need to always improve and stay on top of “your game”. And, to be an over the road driver, it has to be the love for the scenery. As time passes, you take note to the people you deal with, and although it is business related, you eventually recognize that the only time they are not happy you came around is when you are late. They see you as you are, “a truck driver”. From there, they treat you the way you treat them (with exception for when you are late of course), and that transient feeling is the last thing they let you feel.

            Like everything that is good and evil, it takes time to make sense of it all. And, as long as you remain “over the road”, everything that you improve in this lifestyle becomes second nature, from sleeping, road conditions, weather, and most importantly, driving habits. With regards to that, the focus to always improve in what is slowly second nature is going to always be an ongoing responsibility, to prevent careless, reckless, and harmful   possibilities to yourself and others around you. Eventually, it all is about the professional work at hand, with a little personal feeling of being “right at home” with what you do on a daily basis.

            But the hardest part can be that lifestyle you drove away from, and especially during special events, anniversaries, and the holidays.

            Before I started out, I did already move away from family, but they thought I’d still be around to interact. We still do interact, but email, instant messages, and even home-made videos are limited to each individual’s desire, ability, and creativity. This isn’t just in truck driving, but in any demanding profession, and serving to protect this country is in my opinion an honorable profession. And, if there was one thing that we all share is, being away from those we love, and in some cases, those who love us more.

            So how does one do it? Why not just pack it all in and go back home? Some do. The rest find that importance it what they do. In the transportation world, that importance keeps the supplies of necessities and luxury flowing. The only other profession or service that still gets most of the “bad rap” is the United States Post Office. Face it, they don’t loss the bills on their trek, and when it is important, they still get blamed for being so slow. But that service has been around only second to do Unites States, the constitution, and all the other government agencies fall under, or just slightly above the birthing of circulating information, news, and communication.

            I chose to be out here, and as often as I truly am. It has “an ends to a means” for me, and a hope that time goes faster. Others in this profession strive to be part of family, and take advantage of going home to be counted and included. My fight has been the desire to learn all I can, put it to practice, and use this experience in the future, as I dream of returning to a world of knowing my neighbors, having friends, and seeing family. Even when it comes to writing these blogs, you really have to be in that moment, and is something hard to recall.

            How do you explain to those closest that you are doing this for a reason, when it only takes a loving niece to express her feelings that life is happening there, and you are not a part of it? Harder to feel when you realize that this expression may mean the world to her.

            Seasonal songs sometimes bring the best and worst feelings to occur for that moment. It does take time to make sense of it all. In many ways, my family upbringing has made me realize that even in some uncertain times, knowing where you came from is half the battle and fight to keep going forward. In that growth, a person builds an individuals own concepts, likes and dislikes, and in a whole, has an individual personality. It’s those memories that are the “popcorn trail” to where you are now. Even when somebody has passed away, if you recall the times of the past spent together, you can visualize that person’s features and personality. With a little effort and focus, those memories become real again. It is healthy to look back, for as long as the perception is only to feel what you have learned, and it makes you realize how good you stand right now, in your own body, as one’s own self.

            Those seasonal songs can also be healthy, and although there may be sadness, it can be perceived as the love you cannot share towards another, and even how much love they directed towards you. Not having what you wish for and feeling sad about it is not selfish, but a feeling of wanting to be somewhere else, or in a time when life was so much better than this moment. It just brings out the love, emotion, and thoughts of another time, and with so many other people.

            How does one make sense of it though? Finding unique ways of reaching out is one way, from greeting cards, to a quick call; or even finding the resources to making a request to the local radio station in their area, or even in just a simple blog. Giving it meaning to others would only be the second best gift. Yes, they may cry. But, you thought of them, from someplace unknown, you took the time to reach out. And in that moment, you are real to them again. As far as those “breadcrumbs’”, they play a huge part in those tears… a healthy part. Whether they actually make it worth everything in the world or simply get a kick out of the recognition, which is beyond your control. Just know, you found your way of being included during the time of the season, where people come together and share friendship, long to reach out to family.

            Much of what we do comes from inspiration, and sometimes has nothing to do with what you do daily. This blog came from the inspiration of a song, “I’ll be home for Christmas”, which sums up the whole reason of why this blog was written, with no real regards to Truck Driving or Computers. That song made me recall the voice of a little niece, that at one time, hurt so much when she remarked, “Where are you?!”. It was also in her mixed tone of annoyance, frustration, and that ultimate ingredient of missing someone so important in her complete picture of life; all of which hurt me so much. I knew there was a sense of abandonment there, and I was the guilty one.

            In my defense, I was only changing with the times, looking for that unknown direction to what was to be my goal in the future, and somehow, life pulled me away to where she could not see me anymore. I’m not sure if in that moment, I will ever see the forgiveness. By nature, I can be described as wanderer, a dreamer, and someone who just needed to find out what was out there in this great big world. Because of my pace and ability, I never found anyone who would dare follow me and my adventures, and looking back to only one woman who probably would have, I never thought of giving her a chance (no that woman was not my niece). In one form or another, I will see that moment in time, and find myself guilty in my niece’s eyes. For so many other relationships, I know I have broken bonds and feeling along the way.

            It’s been over one year since she asked me, “Where are you?”. Time is helping me let go of that moment. Somehow, I personally find sense in it, and hold and cherish it now. It screams out, “She loves me”. It is a breadcrumb counted, and now I can look on. I don’t know if she will ever find this blog, but it is there; something like a buried treasure. Importantly, at the time of writing this, so many fond memories (and breadcrumbs) came to life, and I found myself smiling. I may not be able to be there, or send out a card, or call the local radio station and make a request (but if I do, it would definitely be “I’ll be home for Christmas”), but I started that effort…in the form of this blog. And, whether she finds it or not, it is out there for her, and others, to dig up and take the time to read. What others do with it is up to them, but it is my hopes that they find a treasured breadcrumb in their life, and make this their treasure for someone special to them.

            Should this reach her, I’m going to try to make that request, but already I hope it can be done when school is out, hopefully home with your parents, because it may just bring out some tears. But if you never hear it, just know through this blog, your uncle reached out, and request a song that has meaning and silent hugs, specifically for you. For now, I wrote it, imagining it like a treasure to be found. Should you dig it up, it is my hopes that on this up and coming holiday, that very song is played (and at the right private time), and it played simply for you and from me.

            And should that question come up, it is my hopes that you make sense of it all, and in your own popcorn trail of memories find me there, and that I had never left you. In reality, another December 25^th will come and go, and I’ll be in a 2005 Freightliner. But for a moment, and in a song to my niece, may you see it my way and know, “I’ll be home for Christmas; if only in my dreams”.